#and i'm terrified of speaking to anyone in my life about this bc i don't want to scare them i don't want to be on suicide watch

[b-blushes]

i feel like in the last year i'm really, like, meeting myself if that makes sense? which is a really wild experience. like, i'm suddenly realising that perhaps what i thought of as immutable personality-trait Shyness was in fact Severe Clinical Anxiety as the aftermath of/alongside being autistic for nearly two decades without knowing it and Struggling with it, and i'm learning all kinds of things about my me! I've been to two groups for people with some of the health stuff i have over the last year, one a long-term hospital program and the other a fun thing, and i'm suddenly able to not only confidently and competently talk in front of a group but also, like, have a personality??? :P I was at one of the groups earlier today, realising i could straight up talk about my first impressions of an artwork i was seeing in front of everyone (mostly total strangers I'd only met minutes before) and i got home and was suddenly like HELLO?!!?!?!? I can just straight up DO this?! the main two thoughts i've had on realising this are 1. huh that kind of sucks! wild to have lived most of my life unable to kind of, like, develop much identity/self-knowledge of what i *did* like/think because i was So So Afraid In General! 2. if i had physical energy to go along with this i would be *such* a menace >:) which on one hand is kind of sad, but on the other hand it's like *looking at myself with awed wonder* there's things in my me???

NICE!

[bejeweledmp3]

welp

[saltywatercrocodile]

Quick (Informal) PSA For Therian Minors

I see a lot of minors in the community who seem very...comfortable, I guess, with sharing personal information and photos on here and other sites, and I just wanted to speak my piece about it.

Something I remembered from another post that I wanna steal because I love the wording: before you share something on the internet, think what could someone who wanted to hurt me do with this information? Not trying to be condescending, I'm an adult and I think that exact sentence in my head before I post/comment/DM anything related to myself.

Just saw a post where a well-meaning therian minor linked their Youtube channel, which has videos of them irl (wearing a mask, but still) doing quads outside and at an indoor non-chain business with the name/logo of the building clearly visible.

I cannot emphasize how much I was taught to be extremely careful about posting any irl images as a kid/teen, as people can infer your location from very minor details, MUCH LESS VIDEOS OF MY WHOLE BODY IN AN EASILY GOOGLE-ABLE LOCATION. What happens if someone with malicious intent sees that video, which is public on youtube? What will you do when someone attempts to blackmail or doxx you? Not only would this would-be criminal know where you are, they can also see how old you are and exactly what you look like. Terrifying.

(I understand we're in a culture of many people posting videos of themselves online, but (in my opinion) it's just not safe to be uploading public content that's advertising "Hi I'm bodily a child/teenager and this is what I look like and this is close to where I live and I'm also a therian who's probably hiding this account from my parents")

This individual is essentially just trusting that no one on the entirety of Youtube will just google the name of the indoor facility (along with any other location-identifying posts they may make) and either threaten them via doxxing or just straight up threaten their life/safety.

I knew someone in school who got too comfortable in an in-game chat, and was lulled into a false friendship and tricked into mentioning his address. Then he was threatened and told to send them money or they would physically find him. Thankfully he felt safe enough to tell his parents, who knew how to stop the situation. I know a lot of us aren't out to our family, and I dread to think what would have happened if the boy I knew hadn't felt safe enough to explain the situation to his parents.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TLDR; before you post personal info/photos, think of the absolute worst evil that someone could do to you with that information. I know it's a bummer, but doxxing/blackmail happens more than you think, and even if your posts only seem to get low notes/likes/whatever, they can theoretically be seen by ANYONE, including people who want to hurt you.

(also I don't mean to call out or harass anyone, I'm not trying to be mean, I just wanted to use an example bc it's what inspired me to make this post and also I wanted to outline why real behaviours I'm seeing can be dangerous, rather than just making up hypotheticals)

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Draco malfoy headcannons

flavor: fluffy and smutish but they're separated so you won't get jump scared

Also I'm returning to my roots with this stinky mf okay I have writers block

Sfw

Liked you in the hallway crush type of way yk like when there’s that one person in the halls that you're like “god damn, anyways where’s my next class”

Never even tried to speak to you was just like ” I'll gaze from afar”

The only problem is that he has major resting bitch face so you were sat there racking your brain over what you could’ve possibly done to this random daddy’s money kid (like this isn't set in a private school but LOOK OVER THERE)

Confessed by just standing in front of you and 👁👁 before handing you an outdated birthday card with a 100 dollar bill inside with a note inside that was basically just him like “PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLE-“

You did give him a shot and he did actually speak words to you

bitchest bitch ever yall bicker (lovingly of course) 24/7

“did you for real just copy off of me?” “Okay well at least I don’t have daddy issues” “You cannot be talking and you know it”

He gives stick bug vibes yk

does not comprehend normal human life you could be complaining about doing laundry and he is like “Just have one of the elves do it?” and you are like “😶right so-“

just assume you have the answer to everything bc like you’re his partner? tf?

“how far away is Saturn in kilometers?” “They don't measure distance with kilometers, Draco, you dumbass. It’s called lightyears.” ‘right so in lightyears then?” “How tf am I supposed to know?”

he’ll hear a crash and look to you like you know what’s going on and you’ll turn his head back

I'm not one to assume someone’s sexuality but it's very much bisexual for the both of you (he likes guys and you know it)

a hot guy will pass and you both turn to each other like {insert Bratz meme here}

has created mustard gas on accident

laughs at his own jokes unironically (he is the only one laughing)

will try to be relatable and it's just like “yk that moment when your Prada shoes get gourmet chocolate on them”

makes up new names for your stuffed animals bc he thinks all the ones you picked were “lame”

his beauty sleep comes above everything else

Once Theo woke him up (there was a fire they had to evacuate) and the next night you found him hovering a pillow over Theo’s face you tackled him to the ground

Only knows how to play dominoes no card games or anything only dominoes

Bought you guys matching sleep masks

And embroidered PJs

And bunny slippers

PDA hater

He’ll sit next to you at max when you're around lots of people when you're just around his friends he's down with hugs and hand-holding holding maybe a cheek kiss but that's it

Alone is a different story he's attached to you he's actively trying to crawl under your skin as we speak

Terrified of bugs he's standing on a chair and screaming the second he sees one

Pays you in kisses when you take the bug outside (after you wash your hands)

Prefers baths over showers

Hates dogs and growls at them more than they growl at him

Only likes cats in theory bc they leave hair on his clothes

He's a reptile man

has owned a bearded dragon and will own more

Cold mf you wanna look me in the eye and tell me he has good circulation

Presses his cold ass feet against you while you're on the brink of sleep so confused when you swing your hand back to smack him

“I'm just cuddling you?”

“Cuddle somebody else fucking ice cube bitch ass”

Every single night

He sleeps on his back with his hands on his stomach like he's going to get lowered into his casket it's embarrassing

Thinks he knows how to shake ass and then when he tries (and fails) he considers never speaking to anyone ever again

Has gotten flirted with while he was with you and he just stared at them blankly bc he couldn't tell if it was happening

And then he left the room entirely

Walks in on people butt ass naked bc he has not learned how to knock (only child syndrome)

Stares a lot

He has nothing better to do so he’ll just come join you in your dorm and 👁hi👁

You've learned to block him out so he’ll scare the shit out of you

Sure he doesn't know how to flirt but he has money so he makes up for it

If you look at anything longer than three seconds he's following behind you with his card and the other twelve bags you have

This does have you ending up with things you didn't want so your friends love your random gifts

One of them will walk into potions with a luxury purse and one of the other kids will be like “tf Did you get that?” and your friends are like “🫵” And you're like “I didn't want it” So some of the student body does hate your guts just a little

favorite food is plain white rice

Thinks that acrylic nails go under the skin yk like in those videos with the fake hands pushing the nails up the finger yeah he thinks that actually happens to people

Jaw on the floor when you explain to him that's not what happens

Nsfw kinda

Down to three-way and will NOT let you forget

“I met this cute girl at the-” “I'm down. 😐”

“Oh did you see Harry this morning he was-” “Do you think he'd hook up with us?😐” “Babe. We've talked about this” “just once please”

Has asked you to peg him

unless you have a dick then he's asking for one of those two-way things (you're on my blog you know what I'm talking about dude)

Sub SUCK MY DICK DUDE HES A SUB SHUT UP

Actively begging sobbing on his knees “Please baby Please being so good please”

Would be a swinger and he'd have a pineapple on his front porch

Sorry

Has dabbled in the lockerrooms

Will ask you if the boys can watch him hit and you said only if they see him at his lowest begging and pleading for you he is silent as of now (give him two weeks)

Type of bitch to be covered in hickeys and when someone is like “What happened? To your neck?” and he's like “Literally what are you talking about?” will gaslight them into thinking there's nothing on his neck

Prefers cuddling naked but hates not immediately being in the bath after sex so he has to battle himself in his head

Can't dirty talk he's like “You look so nice when you're not in clothes? Do you like my wee wee?” and you're sitting there “bitch your what?”

Have resulted in him not being allowed to talk

Quickies number one hater

Needs his time to get into pussybitchboy mode

Okay bye

[misc-obeyme]

Hiiiiii, yandere veteran here! :'DD

I saw your post about yandere and stuff, so i thought i could explain a few things! Firstly, there are different types of yandere out there! Clingy submissive type, sadistic yandere, the subtle manipulator yandere, possessive, obsessive, Yangire, Yeredere, Delusional, Intelligenct, quiet etc.

You can even combine two archetypes together, for example, Tsunyandere (Tsundere + Yandere) and kuuyandere (Kuudere + Yandere). There's even a slight difference between female and male yandere! Male tend to be more violent and possessive meanwhile Female yandere tend to be more passionate and submissive.

Generally speaking, the term "Yandere" associate with someone who is so into you and possessive that they would go to great lengths to monopolize you. Yanderes start sweet and overly affectionate, and then they get possessive and possibly violent. A classical yandere goes after the people surrounding their target first and tries to separate the love interest/target from everyone else. If that means locking them in a cage, so be it. Doesn't necessarily have to be bloody and/or gore. Again, it depends on the yandere type!

This is gonna be a little personal, but for me, I like yanderes a lot because I like the idea of someone loving me so much they'd do anything for me. I fell in love with the idea that someone loves you so much, they're willing to do insane, socially unacceptable things for your love. Of course, this doesn't supply to real life.

Anyway, moving on to Belphegor, i would say he's more of a "mild yandere" and possibly leaning more towards the "Nonviolent/Manipulative yandere" those types of yandere never bring direct harm to someone, and never will directly kill someone themselves, but will manipulate others to achieve their goals. It's the psychological and emotional manipulation that makes it so interesting. And seeing how much of a brat he can be, i would say that fits him the best.

Fun fact: There's an old devilgram story, i forgot the name, where belphegor poisoned Satan bc he was flirting with mc, lol.

Moving on to Barbatos, the reason fans suspect him to be a yandere is bc of his character song "Crazy About you," in which he sings the following lines:

"My heart in turmoil

Having you with me makes me want you

I’m crazy about you

I, too, cannot stop this billowing feeling

I wish to please you always

Please leave everything to me

But your poor manner will not be tolerated

Not matter how many times

Let me give you a lecture in calm

I will not hand you to anyone else, oh

I can’t take this

My feelings for you

I’ll make you mine"

"Crazy About you" does give off some yandere vibes, but does that make Barbatos a yandere? I don't think so. Considering all the characters had their "yandere" moments doesn't make them Yandere per say. But Barbatos does seem to be possessive in his song about Mc. Honestly, considering that his sin is greed, that makes quite a lot of sense. If i had to categorise him to a Yandere trope, then he would be the "Intelligenct/quiet yandere." Those types of yandere plan far in advance and fight more with their brains than with their brawn. It's almost similar to the "Manipulative yandere."

He could be absolutely terrifying, a yandere able to manipulate time and space? That's absolutely scary IF he was a yandere.

unironically, the closest thing to a yandere in Obey Me has is Mammon. He's shown that he constantly wants Mc to himself and seeking their attention, even getting in the way of his brothers and constantly reminding everyone that he's Mc first pact demon. In the beginning of the OG, obey me, he even said “I want to be the one who saves you, and if I can’t be, just die already" and remember that ONE NB lesson where he lost control over his Greed and wanted Mc to himself? Yeah, yandere moment definitely.

Anyway, what i'm trying to say is there are different types of yandere, and not everything has to be bloody. Sometimes, yanderes can be subtle with their motives.

Hello there, anon!

Okay see I had a feeling there was more to it than what my basic search of the term had indicated. I have seen some of the other -dere types because someone asked me about that and I had to look it up lol. But my knowledge of the different yandere types is pretty much nonexistent, so thank you for this explanation!

Okay, okay, so I wasn't taking Barb's song into consideration at all. The songs are all fun and there are certainly parts that are informative of character, but generally speaking I don't really think about them in terms of their characterization. (Not that it's bad to do that or anything, that's just a me quirk lol.)

That being said, I think any character can be written as a yandere if that's what the person writing the story wants to do. I would say most characters edge on some of those qualities, which really just boils down to them being a well rounded character.

Especially because Barbatos has this kind of vibe that's he's always holding something back. Not just truths about himself, but his own feelings, too. I think it'd be easy to say that he just doesn't allow himself to act in the way he really wants to.

And in that case, I think the concept of subtle yandere could apply to him. But again, this is all something that I think would need to be explored in fanfiction. I just don't think that in the story itself there's any indication of Barbatos having secret yandere motives. But I don't think it's a stretch to give him some in a fic by any means.

Interesting point about Mammon, though! I think his general tsundere personality probably overshadows those other yandere moments lol. I've never seen anyone refer to him as such, but it sounds like it fits to me! Then again, as I stated, my knowledge of these terms is very limited.

I like what you said about Belphie too - his whole thing is manipulation so that checks out to me!

Anyway, I like when characters have flaws and act jealous or possessive because it makes them feel more real to me. But that means it's only one aspect of who they are, so I don't tend to focus only on those traits when I write about them. But this is just a personal preference and I think that if you like yandere characters, it's perfectly reasonable to make your faves yandere even if they aren't in the source material.

Thank you for this thorough explanation, anon! I'm glad someone who knew more about it was able to add more insight and nuance to the discussion! It sounds to me like we're in agreement that Barbatos has some yandere moments, but in general is not a yandere.

[milfhandholder]

Random Grell thingz I've accumulated in my head bcs I'm delusional but without context bcs I am going to write a legit novel abt this woman one day

Idc what anyone says, I am an avid believer of the fact that Grell has always been considered beautiful by her peers even in her human life

LIKE SHE'S THE MOST SOUGHT AFTER SUITOR OF HER SEASON, SHE WAS AN IT GIRL BEFORE THEY KNEW WHAT AN IT GIRL IS

She's so beautiful that the Victorians could've started kpop PC first bcs of her and trade them like actual kpoppers

Grell always knew about her being queer (minus actual label bcs Victorian era duh) but not about her gender

"Wait so you people don't fantasize about having boobs? Not at all? No?"

It was maybe 6 years into her reaper life when she finally got the memo that "hey girlie, you're actually a girl"

Her crisis went a bit like this: straight man -> gay man?? -> 'oh no I like girls too' bi man -> died LMAO -> 'I hate everyone and I hate my gender' questioning -> 'maybe I have no gender at all. I like girls though' (she was exclusive to girls only so I guess??lesbian?? Who cheered) -> transwoman questioning -> !! transwoman bi !!

Was in a 'lavender marriage' with a closeted lesbian for maybe 2 - 3 years before her suicide. Grell sort of fell in love with her but understandably never confessed. Fast forward to present time AND GRELL IS HITTING THE FLOOR, SCREAMING, CRYING

She had a lot of rage as a young reaper because she never really got over 'my parents suck' mindset that stood by her as she died

HATED WILLIAM. As much as I love the OVA, I will stand by my words that it would’ve been so much more interesting if Grell buried / was embarassed about her crush and acted like a dick towards him BECAUSE WHY, OF ALL THE MEN IN DISPATCH, DID IT HAVE TO BE WILLIAM T SPEARS

Mellowed out eventually and cool character development happened

Has more experience with and confidence in dating girls, she's very anxious (and perhaps frightful) about men reciprocating her advances

Being made "an experience" does that to you

Fun fact: she's the first and only woman William ever had a crush on. Good taste dude

She was projecting her ex wife A LOT onto Madam but it's ok bcs it was vice versa you see, Madam projected too BUT THEN THESE BITCHES TALKED IT OUT and everything is all ok and cool and OH GOD GRELL NOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭

Speaks German and French, is the go to translator for German Dispatch businesses until Ludger (and eventually Sascha joined in as a bonus and a translator) was forced to sharpen his English

Now for the E discourse.... someone made a typo one day and she went with it

Grell: You see, when you go to France, they make you get a name in French. That's why I can go by Grell Sutcliff or Grelle Sutcliffe

Ron, an idiot who has never been anywhere except his hometown: oh shit fr??

Eric's her first ACTUAL reaper friend which is sad ngl LMAOOO

Firm believer that the reapers have mentorships for gifted students that started in Ron's year and that Grell was her mentor READ MY RON FIC, IM OBSESSED WITH THEM

Mentoring Ron (aka a few years before Jack the Ripper) was the moment where she was the healthiest, mentally

Then she divorced Madam, had a falling out with William and oops she regressed el em ao. Don't tell any of her friends though, they'd start annoying her to get better

People older and the same age as her are wildly terrified of her. This is in contrast to (most) juniors who are so in love with the idea of her

Harbors a lot of guilt, grief, rage, anger, jealousy, insecurity, narcissism, etc. She's just a good actress

Her butler persona was her mocking three people at once: her father's (brunette) appearance, her mother's wish for Grell to be more obedient, and Grell's old self that let people walk all over her for the sake of maintaining her family name

Her family is rich rich though she can't remember for what. She doesn't really care eitherway so

Can be very insensitive!! It doesn't help that she's friends with people who'd give the same energy back (Eric and Othello) or people who just don't care enough (William)

She learned how to hold her tongue when she realized Ron was genuinely upset with her rude comments. Ironically, Ron learned how to have thicker skin because of said comments

Likes dogs, sorry Sebastian

Good at fencing! Not much else in other sports!!

She hates sports sm, they make her sweat and they are tedious and they're exhausting and THEY'RE BORING

The only ranged weapon she'd try out is a gun.

She's no wuss

Yeah that's all that I can think of lmao

[amsterdamlouie]

i gotta write this all down before i go to sleep aesjrkj

seeing louis live again was INCREDIBLE. god i just can't believe he's REAL. a real person. cutest little accent.

he sounded and looked great

as usual i panicked over the seats i bought right up to the actual day but when i got there they were perfect!!

andrew cushin and the snuts were the perfect tour openers. andrew opened you slowly and got right to the bone, then the snuts came in and hyped you the fuck up

the greatest is the best concert opener

i'm lowkey convinced louis has scent diffusers to make the venue smell like weed during high in california 💀 i could be wrong obviously, it was only for a minute but i don't remember seeing anyone light up. hate to see a good joint wasted

everyone lost their shit after louis ditched the jacket.. rightfully so 😌 tease. (my manifestations for tank top louis came to life big time!!!!)

i just realized he strategically took it off right before 505.. nasty

"with your hands between your thighs" "I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck" nghhh he's killing me

lots of woofing during the entire show

being able to see louis stand with his hands in his pockets in real life was one of the hottest things ever. everything he does it hot tho let's be honest adoau especially the way he walks

i was given my first pride flag 🥺 my mom got it for me while i was gone from my seat. i'm keeping it forever if my cats don't try to eat it and also i baby waved it at louis and idk if he saw but i both hope and don't hope he did bc i'm terrified of what he thinks, of me - to clarify (even tho.. it's.. y'know.. a flag.. representation of love and equality.. which i support and he supports, duh. idk man i was really excited about it and i was in garden seating so he could've seen me and oh god why did i choose to sit so visibly close. 😩 still loved it. love him. wish he stayed at my right side longer.. 🎶 baby, i'm jealous 🎶 ) hopefully i get a day to actually meet him and just hug him bc that's all i really want.

speaking of flags, there was a big pride flag underneath the california flag with all the colors of pride. it was gorgeous.

the lights for she is beauty was amazing. i'm so happy i finally got to participate in a fan project .

angels fly, obviously, was my favorite to hear live

babe was complaining about being knackered during silver tongues 😆

the streamers at the end of silver tongues were designed to keep everyone in their seats. i just know it

i tried to not take too many pics and vids.. but as usual i can't be trusted when louis is just standing there looking beautiful lmao (but i did get.. angels fly in full hehe)

also shoutout to the girl who took a pic of me and my mom. u is very appreciated and i hope you had a wonderful time as well.

if i remember anything else i shall add it but like sloujoss i loved every moment of it. thank you, louis for giving such a lively concert experience

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

anyway thinking abt that hanahaki reread post again bc my fav hobby when i'm in a bad mood is to inflict it on fictional characters, and we've already talked extensively abt ingo but seriously i feel like there are SO many pla characters who are soooo repressing their emotions and would be so good to write in this universe. i'm envisioning this as a world where hanahaki is like, very mild to start out with, and it's just recognized as a thing that everyone will probably experience at least once in their life, to explain why it hasn't really affected any grand changes on society, but like.

cyllene's so completely allergic to actually showing how she feels so she just has a persistent cough that never goes away, but fortunately it looks like for the flowers actions do in fact speak at least sufficiently loud enough to Count, so considering the lengths she goes to for the People She Totally Doesn't Love Mhm Nope it never goes very far beyond that. it's just part of her life at this point.

palina would so badly like to talk to her dearest friend about her anxieties and insecurities about arcanine and her clan and also the man she loves but can't be seen with—she longs to talk to her about so many things but can't because she barely recognizes post-leadership irida anymore. she feels like her sister is gone, and the person who's replaced her is almost a stranger with her friend's face. and that strange grief, of a relationship rather than a person, just adds to the overgrown garden

and volo feels very obvious to me at least. he's been faking about his severe depression for yearsandyearsandyears to the point where it's just a normal part of his routine to go hack up a handful of marigolds behind the wagon and then go right on back to smiling with blood on his teeth. miserable and dead inside and barely sees the point in living but that's bad for business so quick pretend to be normal! the fact that he's also secretly doing an apocalypse barely even puts a dent in it at this point

and also also the protagonist. who is trying SO hard to be The Hero and face down every challenge and be confident and good and not take up space—so consequently they feel like they're not allowed to tell anyone how fucking scared they are. how much the constant suspicion hurts, the fact that they don't want to risk their life over and over but they have to they have to. -and then they start coughing, and this is just even more terrifying.

...anyway. you get it.

[maximilff]

tagged by @laurabenanti thank you cat ily mwah

RULES: post the names of the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Tag as many people as you have WIPs.

sooo i'm having to change the rules a bit bc i haven't actually written anything for fics in so long but! i have a bunch of poetry wips so i'll give like the first line (they don't really have titles) and you can pick from those <3 some of them are too short to use without basically posting the whole thing so i can't use all of them but here are a few

1. everything is too loud right now,

2. grief is fucking terrifying.

3. you are not evil, my love. you are just haunted.

4. how am i supposed to speak through a clenched jaw?

5. i have planned more for my funeral than i have for my life.

6. i want to create something remarkable,

7. three day old birthday cake straight out of the box,

8. these days it feels like i am just a shell of a person.

9. but the thing is i would let her burn me a thousand times over

10. stay back, my love. i am too fragile,

11. the days are getting long again, and i don't mean in the way that it's summer,

12. i spent most of my youth trying not to set fire to everything i've ever loved

13. i am trying not to get attached

14. don't ever let anyone tell you that home is four walls and a door

i also have an ongoing series called 'letters to my brother that i will never send' that haven't been published anywhere and are sort of an ongoing wip so i'll add those too (omg actual titles)

(letters to my brother that i will never send)

15. part one

16. part two

17. part three

18. part four

19. part five

20. part six

i cannot tag 20 people sorry but i'll tag a few! (i'm not sure who actually has ongoing wips rn feel free to ignore this) @ssa-montgomery @beware-of-you-98 @sundayruby @leighstonmurray

[andiwriteordie]

Atlagate: ngl I'm still thinking about the pjo au more so I'm not sure what I'm gonna talk about here but I'm gonna make it up as I go along lol

OKAY so. Post spirit world abduction etc and Will like. Yk. Some fluff (slash angst but w/e) is that he gets cold easily and just imagine Mike (after learning to breathe better) like trains to get better at his powers and his #1 motivation is so that he can warm will up lmaooo (sorry this isn't v coherent I'm distracted and I'm Not gonna proof read fuck that)

(ask me atla/stranger things stuff!)

have i told you that atla and pjo are my dormant hyperfixations bc they are. like i could talk about both of them for hours endlessly.

OK YES POST SPIRIT WORLD ABDUCTION WILL JUST SUFFERING THROUGH THESE PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS AND MIKE BEING SO SO DETERMINED TO TRY AND HELP HIM.

@messrsbyler and i rambled. a lot. about some stuff with breathing and how it ties back to airbending and firebending here but let's talk some more about the warmth part of it.

something something, mike is just a living furnace. like he's always warm, and will, being his best friend all throughout childhood, took advantage of that so much. and they don't know how to do Personal Space, so will is just always somehow ending up snuggled up close to mike because even before the spirit world, will was always cold and hadn't quite learned how to regulate his own body temp with airbending when they were really little.

by the time the story picks up, they're a little less physical as they're growing up and not like little kids anymore, plus will does know how to regulate his body temp like airbenders are able to do. and god, that saves him in the spirit world. somehow, he ends up in the worst parts of the spirit world where he's running from evil spirits and getting attacked, and it's cold and dark and absolutely terrifying. the only reason he ends up surviving is because of his bending. so for an entire week, airbending is quite literally will's lifeline. it saves his life.

but then right at the end, right before his rescue? in the darkest part of the spirit world, he stumbles into a man he can't really see, but he can hear. and by this point will is starving and exhausted and half thinks he's hallucinating when he sees another human in here? and he knows the end is coming, he can't keep going, and his bending is the only reason he's still alive and the man starts talking to him about his airbending, about his power, about recognizing and seeing something in him.

and will's not processing hardly any of it, but then something starts happening to him. he feels the air shift before it actually happens, but all at once, it's like all the air is being pulled out of his lungs, and something else is filling it—something darker, malicious, and entirely foreign. and in the panic of all this and in thinking he's going to die, will pieces together that this another man in here is also an airbender—he's going to die at the hands of another airbender.

long and short of it, will (obviously) survives, but now he struggles to breathe and struggles with his airbending. his bending, which he used to love and which saved his life, has now become his primary trigger for ptsd. and now, even simple things like regulating his body temperature, are things will can't bring himself to do. he doesn't really tell anyone. they already treat him differently and they look at him differently.

but mike notices. he's always watching out for will, always noticing him, always standing close. and he feels how cold will gets, so he starts reaching out more. little touches on his hand. an arm around his shoulder. cupping will's face when he's struggling to breathe. hugs and nighttime cuddles that neither of them speak about but that get will through the worst parts of his ptsd. mike is the fire and his bending becomes will's new lifeline.

*clears throat* sorry i'm gonna make it about taylor swift now bc it's giving me

but i'm a fire and i'll keep your brittle heart warm when your cascade ocean wave blues come. all these people think love's for show, but i would die for you in secret.

[rainintheevening]

Deepest thoughts about your favorite Star Wars ship? Favorite meta/symbolism/all that cool writer stuff we don't always get to talk to readers about about your favorite WIP?

Ooh, fun reason to break from writing a super emotional scene with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan where [redacted].

But man, what even is my favourite Star Wars ship?? Kind of a toss-up between Anidala and my own QuiRae. There's also Ben and Rey in my sequels rewrite. And of course Han and Leia.

I confess I don't have very many 'deep' thoughts about Anakin and Padmé. I love them, they make me sad, and I want to give them so much joy and happiness in my fics. I've barely written about them yet, so I've got a lot of deep thinking ahead of me still.

Qui-Gon and Rae-Lin now! I think about them a lot! In my Promises of Fools au, Qui-Gon meets her after the debacle with Xanatos, when he's wandering around the galaxy, questioning everything about himself. She is the dew-drenched dawn, sunlight slipping through clouds until the sky clears, and morning comes after a long dark night. She awakens him to hope and joy and life and possibility again. To her, he is a wounded lion, strange and a little wild, but longing for someone to speak tenderly to him and care for his heart, as he in turn wants someone to care for and protect. She pulls down his walls, stone by stone, and he lifts her up, step by step. She makes him laugh again, and he calls her beautiful. After Obi-Wan is born, it amazes her how much stronger and protective and warmer he gets, overnight! And he marvels at how impossibly deeper her capacity for tenderness and empathy can go.

I like to think that she gets frustrated with how chill he usually is, when she's all fired up about something, but if she were truly honest with herself, she knows she never wants to see her lion man truly angry. That would be terrifying.

Now, good gravy, Adi, how am I supposed to pick a favourite thing about one of my stories? There's a bunch of Broken Constellations stuff I don't want to go public with yet (spoilers), I've already talked about how it was originally inspired by the poem 'The Hound of Heaven', I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that 'Starlight' by STARSET is The Song for BC...

Hmmm, does anyone want my essay on the heart of Star Wars being the imagery of dark=fear vs light=love, and the 'accidental Christianity' of it all?

(I mean, I'm supposed to be working on After All rn, but I had a new revelation that ties into that the other day, and it's a huge part of why I'm so in love with Star Wars.)

[vole-mon-amour]

2x02. Now that I started watched s2, how do I peel myself off the screen and do things irl? Lol. I'm already glued to this season.

Alina standing behind Mal's back to kind of shield him is so sweet?

I don't understand though, Nikolai IS the king, no? I remember this pretense when he met Kaz. He was honored to meet the Bastard of the Barrel. But what is going on here & why does no one recognize him? Sure, he worked hard to build him reputation, but I'm a bit confused. (Which won't make me pick up the books about Nikolai again, lol. I was done with it the first time.)

It's been a hot minute & I'm already tired of this Mal/Alina/Darkling triangle. Especially when I remember that Darkling is supposed to be a grow ass adult, way older than Alina, and both Alina and Mal are supposed to be teens. Like, my dude, what did you find there? I'd never want to deal with a teen, and definitely not pine after her. Fast forward, "My Alina." DUDE. WAKE UP. What are you, five?

Hmmm? Hmmm. I can twist it into "He keeps her safe no matter how painful that is for him", which would be fun. The acknowledgment of her being terrified of it all, though.

Genya looks kind of weird this season. I feel like it's the wig.

No but the details. The clothes. Oh, I doubt we'll see the masquerade, but I'd LOVE to see it. It was such a fun scene in the book.

Oooh. That is GOOD. As much as I'd love the crows to have their own show and see CK page by page being shown to us, I didn't think they'll go there. Aside from Jordie giving me Sam Drake vibes, this is a nice visual. Though I believe they were younger in the book?

Speaking of, are we getting Wylan's backstory or? The way he slept in that cold and dirty bed, basically waiting to die? Bc rn Wylan is kind of doing alright? A bit hungry, but alright.

Oooh, Kaz sitting down next to Jesper? I like that. Honestly, if he sees a bit of Jordie in Jesper, it's basically trust. "I'm safe with you. I trust you with my life. You make mistakes, but..."

And THAT is where she becomes Kaz's friend. Their relationship in the book. <3

The "It's not enough to kill him" scene, though. The looks Inej, Jesper, and Nina give him. I rewatched it at least 3 times & WOW.

I love her and her personality SO. MUCH. If she was portrayed by a fatter actress, she would've been a perfect adaptation from books to tv screen.

<3 I am so glad Inej now had Nina. My girls.

Ooooh, Matthias remembering Nina, all the touches, the soft lips. Blaming himself, hating her, but also loving her and wanting her. *sigh* Yeeeah. That's a good adaptation as well. Though I still struggle see Matthias in this actor. Matthias was different.

Oh, that bastard. That expression. :')

Can anyone remind me if this was in the book? Because I am about to say a lot of shit about this. I absolutely HATE the vibe of "You're gonna have to used to me touching you, whether you like it or not" & I don't want to see it in the show, either, Back off, will you? Maybe that's why he sees Jordie in Jesper though? It's safety. No pushing. Jesper waits patiently.

Inej is a badass, but I absolutely hate when she becomes like that. "You gotta tell me. You can keep the others in the dark, but not me." Ughhh.

Lol. Is this a joke? She's twice as lighter as him. What are you doing?

YEP! The "I trust him" trope. Damn it, I love Kaz and Jesper's relationship.

"Long standing". You had to add the 'working', too, otherwise us shippers would lose our minds, huh?

You tell him.

"I don't hate Pekka Rollins cause he's not real." Well, sorry to be you. In moments like this one, especially in the book, it's rage for me. Die, asshole, die. Brick by brick, Kaz will destroy you.

Wheezing. Wylan is so pure. Doesn't know what to do yet. Not familiar with Kaz and his crew yet.

Jesper, you remembered in THIS position? :D What were you doing back then?

<3.

WHAT IS GOING ON :DD

One episode one hour long. I'm gonna need at least 3 days to watch this season, I feel like.

[khaleesiofalicante]

"You have my permission not to love me. I am a cathedral of dead bolts and I'd rather burn myself down that change the locks." -Rachel McKibbens

Know your opponent!! That's one of the scenes you were excited to write, am I right? It actually made me emo to think about young Max and Lexi beating each other🥺 Also, I kinda feel this as foreshadowing?

"The more you are alike, the harder it is to fight them.” I am terrified for them :)

Stupid morals and stupid Devlins smh

“God, you are such an idiot,” Lexi said. And then. “And I’m even a bigger idiot.” Holy shit😂 gays and miscommunication strikes yet again jdbskdndkd they are both IDIOTS!!! But I'm glad they FINALLY sort it out!!!

He called her the love of her life😭 queer people be like: I'm not good at this romance thing, and then proceed to say some of the most beautiful shit humanity had witnessed

Well, this is already going south 🙂

I am stressed, but I understand Max's point. I mean, his own people exiled him, his family died and they did nothing, and now they expect his help??? Sometimes it seems shadowhunters don't change...

Can we take a sec to appreciate Maryse's growth? Bc I think it's one of the best developments ever

“Raziel is a useless idiot,” Selena rolled her eyes. Wiser words have never been spoken

And all you could do was let them.

You stand there and let it hurt.

You stand there and hope it will hurt less one day.

Selena's POV always gets me crying a little:)

Nothing but proud of Rafael 🥺🥺

“Yeah,” she nodded again. “I want people to call me your wife. I want to see your face do that dumb look every single time. I think I’m a little obsessed with it.”

“I love you, Anjali,” Rafael said. “Eres el amor de mi vida.”

Just let Rosewood get married!! Is that too much to ask? Also I love when he speaks spanish 🥺❤️

Bapak held his hand.

Rafael didn’t feel like a child.

He felt loved.

He had never felt stronger.

I am made of tears after that cute moment between malec and Rafael 💙💙 WHY ARE THEY SO PRECIOUS?

One thing is Mallory killing her mother, but blaming Magnus??? Bitch, you better be joking wtf?!?

Rafael telling her to fuck off was so satisfying 😍

Max cupped his face with both hands and brought him down for another kiss. “I won’t ever let anyone hurt our family.” I am feeling 10 different kinds of things right now and I AM EMO🥺🥺

David, what the fuck are you doing? Are you just going to hide the fact that this bitch stole your memories for the rest of your life???

Immortal pets should be a serious business. Why are we not promoting this??

“I do love you,” David whispered. “Madly.” Something about quotes of people loving to the point of madness just shakes the very center of my existence 😭💙💙

The man cupped her face. “Keep an eye on the girls. I’ll be right back.” Jace stop being an idiot and a soft babe🔪

Magnus being willing to sacrifice his humanity to save Max's. Holy fuck THIS IS INTENSE

I. WHAT??? I JUST. HE WAS. HE IS. NO. HE WILL LIVE. I REFUSE TO THINK HE IS DEAD. WHAT JUST HAPPENED 😭😭 ALSO "Tell him I love him madly too."????? You really said "Imma hurt everyone in less than 5 seconds huh??? Dani I need answers!!!

I’d rather burn myself down than change the locks >>

A tiktok of Max and David 🥺🥺

[wereh0gz]

Optional ask about ocs - feel free to ignore if you don't wanna answer; and if ya do answer, I encourage rambling! ^^

Gimme 1-5 of your ocs - whether they're your favorite, most recent, the one you've been having fun with recently, etc. Tell me some fun facts about them, and why you picked them!

Hope you're having a great day/night - and remember to stay hydrated!

I'm just gonna go ahead and talk about my current Sonic ocs they're pretty much the only ones I'm using rn besides my fursona lol

Rue- my favorite child whom I make suffer for fun. Deeply traumatized after being turned into a beast by Eggman during the events of Sonic Unleashed. They live in the middle of the woods and are pretty feral. Friends with very few ppl, usually chases anyone who wanders into their territory away and has a bad rep bc of it

Fun(?) facts- They may or may not genuinely believe they're dead in some way. Also they speak both Spanish and English and have a bit of an accent (specifically Puerto Rican) :]

Specter- first of the reaper twins. She's a thrillseeker who loves hunting ghosts a normal amount. Also a big fan of horror stuff, especially books and comics (think junji ito) but is absolutely terrified of bugs. Very sociable and loves talking to ppl

Fun facts- She got hit with the transgender beam after I realized identical twins are born the same sex lol. She was also born on Nov. 1 (I like to think I'm clever)

Phantom- second of the reaper twins. Ironically scared of ghosts even tho it's basically his job to hunt them (he's very brave abt it). Likes videogames and studies entomology as a hobby which he may or may not intentionally use to freak his sister out. Pretty quiet and likes to keep to himself

Fun facts- he was born after the clock struck midnight, technically making his birthday the day after Specter's. He also likes to practice quadrobics out in the woods

Livewire (hey that's my name)- sona/self insert kind of oc. They're an android and an underground extreme gear racer. Thinks they're hot shit but are actually a giant dumbass. Comes across as way more aggro than they actually are. Also can control electricity

Fun facts- they can access the internet from their brain and post on social media from there (<- terminally online motherfucker). Also they have a gem on their chest that's the same as the one on my fursona. That's their soul :]

Elysium- faulty Shadow android who was thrown out in the trash by Eggman for not meeting quality standards. Was found by Livewire and given a new lease in life. Kinda shy and generally very non-threatening bc it hates fighting due to a glitch in its code. Likes to wander and explore places, especially at night

Fun facts- they boots it currently wears used to be Livewire's, and it later got gloves to match. Also it's very scared of Team Dark and REALLY doesn't like Shadow

I think. That's all my brain can do for now lol. But if you got more questions feel free to ask 👍

[nathank77]

11/16/24

8:45 a.m

I'm glad I looked into her eyes. It's stupid but it made a difference and made me less negative and feel safer. I know she cares about me even if I never hear from her again bc actions speak louder than words.

Anyways i ended up smoking a cigarette bc after being awake for 2 hours my nicotine withdrawal got so bad it was just a I have to otherwise I stand absolutely no chance of falling asleep at this point. My arms hurts like a bitch, my shoulders too so that made sleeping harder too bc I wouldn't take ibuprofen bc I took Melatonin... they can interact... maybe I should take Ibuprofen in a little bit. I guess they can cause a raise in blood pressure.. so I hardly ever take it unless I skip Melatonin.

Anyways after my cigarette and my tv turned off after 30 minutes of listening to it, i laid in the fake silence and eventually I must have fallen asleep. If I had to estimate how much sleep I got not including before I woke up, it was maybe 1 hour and 30 minutes maximum. Making me have gotten about 5 hours if I passed out by 11 p.m last night. Which is reasonable I did pass out very quickly.

I didn't end up taking any other drugs to help me. I was planning my morning. Making eggs, starting laundry and just watching TV all day. I did have a weird dream. A couple. One of them she was in but I dont remember much other than her blocking me and I woke up wanting to check bc I woke up in a panic bc she changed into a new person I didn't know and I said, Nathan it was a dream and if she did seeing it now will only make sure you don't fall back to sleep but she prob didn't. We can check when my alarms go off...

The other dream was weird a huge house i was moving into with a spiral staircase in the middle and 4 floors. It was gorgeous. I don't remember much about it besides going up the stairs that were in the middle of each room.

Idk what I'm going to do.. bc I looked up why would someone have a hard time falling back to sleep. I mean I just have a hard time falling asleep ingeneral and it says a sleep disorder. I prob should eventually ask to see a sleep specialist for a sleep study.. but I dont want someone else taking over my xanax. I know it sounds stupid but my Dr is fucking reliable. I'll be getting xanax as long as I dont pick up early or abuse my prescription until I'm fucking dead. If she left my office, my script would transfer to someone else in her office and id get a new primary. I really have a good thing with my xanax script. Reliable is the word. So long as I don't call in days early asking for it I'm never going to lose it.

A lot of Dr's make addicts out of their benzo patients sending them to rehab by discontinuing the script and I don't want my xanax from anyone except my primary bc I'm not joking when I'm 80 I will still be getting that same script as long as I keep doing what I'm doing.

If I see a sleep specialist then they are taking over for my chronic condition inwhich I see my primary every 3 months for... and they could take it over... and I'm terrified of them not being reliable. Of them making me have to go to rehab bc of it. Finding a dr to percribe my script reliably is fucking hard.

But yea i know i prob have a sleep disorder. Despite that I know if I could smoke weed then id sleep like a baby every night and fall back asleep easily every night for the rest of my life. And I'm not 100% sure I want to know what my sleep disorder is. It could make it harder to fall asleep. It could scare me. It could give me anxiety.

I control caffeine intake. When I had my cigarette at 5 a.m I had Powerade with it no caffeine. I cut myself off of caffeine at a certian hour every day... I also know that the shows i listen to when I try to fall asleep don't help even at low volumes bc I either can't hear it and I hallucinate anyway or parts of the show gets louder... I've been watching the impossible game show bc its boring and mostly low. I'm never watching American dad again it really wasn't the best show for sleep.

So I know my sleep environment isn't great bc I'm always trying to make my auditory hallucinations get drown out. But yea that's how i feel today, tired af and sore from my workout. I got to take Ibuprofen soon but at the same time I want to feel the pain to know how badly I fucked myself up or to feel the normal muscle pain so that I don't numb it bc I want to know if I overdid it. If that makes sense.

I'm not sure I'm up for a red bull day bc of the lack of sleep... I may just do laundry and take a shower and have a red bull day tomorrow but I got to make up my mind... video games require much energy... and I may not have it bc of my lack of sleep...

Mom still hasn't heard back from the rescue. I may reach out myself. She showed me her phone proving she called and left a message.... but I still got a contact there maybe i can speed it along. I got to get Riley out of here.

Id play silent hill but she's going to barking all day and even still it's a lot of energy, more than just doing laundry... even though that is too... I got to clean the dryer if I do laundry... but i mean 5 minutes and that's done. Concentrating on a game all day is hard. But cleaning the dryer will hurt my muscles...

Idk i had more to say but I forgot

[aprillikesthings]

Me, squinting at my own fic: is this too out of character

Also me: you put them in a different setting and that's going to happen

blah blah thinking out loud about characterization in my au fic behind the readmore, some of which is a little spoilery

(note: this...got long. bc of course it fucking did.)

in canon Adora very much has a rebellious streak--yes, some of it is just her incredibly strong moral compass, but that doesn't explain away, like, stealing a skiff after making force captain

BUT ALSO she is, famously, a people-pleaser (Because Trauma™️) and it could be said she did it because she knew it would make Catra happy

but then AGAIN as a small kid she called Octavia a dumb face (...to cheer up Catra) and talked Catra into getting a closer look at the Black Garnet, but that's less "rebellion" and more "poor impulse control in the face of curiosity because she's like, what, five?"

anyway

in my au she's just far, FAR more of a rule-follower (even when it costs her her friendship with Catra), up until Glimmer and Bow talk her into breaking a few rules, when she's like, 17/18...and then they talk her into *leaving* with only a fucking *note*

(which, of course, is pretty hurtful to Catra; considering they literally stop being friends because Adora's mom orders her to stop speaking to Catra--oh, you'll obey THAT rule but break other rules because your new friends suggested it? K.) (It's more complicated than that gdi but of course it wouldn't seem that way to Catra)

but also (in the next chapter) before all that she does drink at a party because Catra is just like "here I put some vodka in your punch, it's fine," like literally Adora's just like "I'm not allowed to drink. But lol okay."

BUT

in canon we see Adora arguing with Shadow Weaver, or at least talking back to some extent, in an attempt to protect Catra

and in my fic they don't have the same parental figure--Catra's mom is very obviously based on Shadow Weaver, but Adora's is closer to Light Hope (though, not to the point I've tagged her as a character), but slightly influenced by the way Shadow Weaver treats Adora in canon. So she's got insanely high expectations and is extremely strict and also just not very affectionate, and when Adora fails to meet her expectations she gets lectured and guilt-tripped to the point of tears--and because of the au I'm writing, it's all things like "respect your elders, don't do things that aren't ladylike, get perfect grades, have perfect manners, don't get your clothes dirty, don't do anything that would make anyone think you're weird, only be friends with people from 'good families.'" Adora's mom has her life planned out: you'll go to a good college, you'll meet your future husband there, you'll get married and have children (and hopefully your husband won't unexpectedly die young like your father did).

(whereas Catra's mom just insults her, yells at her, and (when she's younger) slaps her--I think I managed to imply that happens more than the once I show it in the fic)

So my au's Adora is terrified of stepping out of line to the point of freezing up with anxiety that borders on a panic attack when stuck between her mother's order to stop speaking to Catra, and not only her desire to still be friends with Catra, but her incredibly strong but entirely unacknowledged desire *for* Catra

And meanwhile, much like in canon, Catra's upbringing makes her a snarky, angry, openly defiant/disobedient teenager, because for her there's no reward for being "good" anyway, so who gives a shit?

(And just like in canon, it gets worse when Adora stops being her friend, though in this fic it's less "oppress/displace a bunch of people and destroy their homes" and more "be super fucking annoying and mean, also she engages in petty shoplifting, steals money and alcohol from her mom and stepdad, cuts class and start smoking")

And *waves hand* all of that, is why Catra figures out she's gay LONG before Adora does.

And just like in canon, they grow up with only each other as a reasonably reliable source of emotional support and kindness and acceptance; they can only really be themselves and let down their guard around each other

but their growing attraction towards each other as teenagers becomes this THING that they cannot possibly talk about--but because it's, y'know, 1966. Being a Lesbian is Weird and Bad. So now there's this elephant in the room all the time.

But Adora doesn't even recognize that that's what she's feeling even when it's basically right her in her face (it's totally normal to want to look at your best friend all the time, right? and spend nearly all your time with her? ha ha she smells good and I like dancing with her and that's Just Girl Things right??? no I don't want to date boys yet I have to go to college but I'm sure it'll happen eventually, somehow, just NOT YET GOD NO)

and Catra figures it out right around the time Adora stops being her friend (well, she goes from "Hm. I think I want to kiss Adora??...I don't think she wants to kiss me back :(" to "Oh, wait, that means--Oh. OH NO.") and it just exacerbates her own issues--she's already (in her own mind) a bit of a fuck up nobody could possibly love or care about (except maybe Adora, but why? why? why did Adora like her???) and now she has Being A Lesbian to add to the pile, well that's just fucking GREAT (not that she tells anyone yet)

So at the point of the story as of what's on ao3, there's a huge elephant in the room (their mutual attraction), and Adora is completely incapable of even seeing it even though she keeps bumping into it, and Catra is starting to see it but cannot possibly say anything about it.

And just as they're about to acknowledge it: everything blows up. Metaphorically speaking.

AND THAT'S THE FUCKING PLOT SO FAR